Rugged yet cuddly and larger than life, King Kung-lu never leaves a photo shoot without new fans. Fashion commentators call him "The Giant Killer" because he leaves no room for any other male models of his stature. Even the legendary Big Thunder Jefferson was forced into early retirement when King kicked off his celebrated career. He’s simply that great.

MAKING A NAME FOR HIMSELF
King was born Samson Randall Finn to missionary parents working in Northern Tibet. As an adolescent, the other kids were weary of his large proportions, calling him “Kung-lu” which meant “great hulking thing.” King wasn’t altogether pleased with the children’s title but he tolerated their ignorant fear, because only kindness filled his heart. During one especially terrible winter King got the chance to show his classmates that his size wasn’t the only exceptional quality he possessed. An avalanche buried part of the neighboring village and it was King that carried three of the children to safety on his back. The rescued youths later told how he sang opera to them the entire time, even as he plowed through neck deep snow. After his heroic deed the Tibetan children called him the most flattering English title they knew; King. It stuck.

DAIRY KING
When he’s not modeling or lifting large stones, King’s working on new flavors for his own brand of organic frozen confectionaries. The Frosty Moustache Ice-cream Company is home to some of the world’s most unique and tantalizing varieties of flavors including, Heavenly Hazelnut Head-butt, Turkish Dragon Tongue Toffee, Neapolitan Napalm, and the always popular, Chocolate Bar Berry in Beef Stick. King’s brand is the only high protein dessert currently available in edible form.

A STRANGE TAIL
King has invented his own martial/life art called Albert Humphrey’s Magilla System (AHMS) which operates on the supposition that the human body would profit from retaining a tail. “It’s named after my late Uncle Albert who was an animal behaviorist in the jungles of Chin-wa. He lived with the Shapu River chimpanzees for 8 years before a pack of silverback gorillas killed him during breeding season. And ‘Magilla’ comes from the Hanna Barbera character of the same name. At this stage AHMS is primarily suited for self-defense and hasn’t really been as widely accepted or applied as a general living tool.”
In its purely combative modus operandi, Albert Humphrey’s Magilla System has gained surprising popularity among Indian Law Enforcement Agencies. The Martial Arts form requires practitioners to attach a weighted leather tube by a harness and hinge between the buttocks. A mixture of hip swivels and thrusts propels the otherwise inert appendage toward its target. Other practitioners resort to simply detaching the tail and using it as a flail, but some adherents of the system say it defeats the purpose. “I call them 'The Flailers.' They’ve completely lost the essense of the system, and are just mucking around with some watered-down version of the art form. It's a barbaric bastard style. Not like AHMS in its pure form.” When we asked King if he could demonstrate, he grinned and said. “Oh no, it looks ridiculous. I don’t practice it, I just invented it.”

GOALS
It’s King’s hope to bring his cooking skills into the military arena by developing consumable weaponry for infantry soldiers. “The weapons, the ammunition, everything could be eaten. It’s only inevitable to have one object that fulfills life’s two most basic processes. Click! Eject Death! Chomp! Consume Life! Reload, and again! You know, it’s obvious."